There is always a reason that God put four us in the same city. We encounter the same problem in the past one year. That night was our first time to confess to each other that we need prayer and support. We are not strong, we do hate and struggle in forgiving. I was proud with Jinny that she eventually cried out all her struggles and hatred towards simon. The points I really salute her was she really invest all her love towards this relationship and she confess her "weakness" to three of us. That night was her time to vomit after consuming a certain amount of liquor. She was drunk. At the moment I wish I can drunk too.
To me, I will never dare to tell anyone about this, even to my closer sister, Lia. I just hate to confess to others that I'm hurt, deeply hurt by him. After the broke up, I tried to hide as much as I can. I told myself that he was not worth for me to cry over. He is not worth for me to questioning God. I did try to put God as the first priority in this relationship, but why i have bear all this pain? Over this one year plus, I learn to forgive. I learn to be more indeependent. I learn to have my own activities. I tend to forget all the my uni memories. I tend to occupy my days with alot of activities so that i dont have a single moment to think about this. Even when I was alone, I will fully use the time to read, to watch series. I'm not afford to have a second to free my mind. I have to live as good as I can. But these are really out my control. It just pop out when I'm not aware. Sometime I thought I have recover, sometime I'm not. It happen whenever I met someone who is interested on me. I wish I can throw the past and have a new relationship. After a few trials, I knew I cant. I'm forbear into a relationship. Especially their eye. The ways they see me as the way he see me in past. It really scare me. Their eye reminded me about the broken relationship. This really hold me back to take the first step. I guess I'm not fully ready to go for a new relationship. I wonder when will be the day I can totally let go and ready to move on into a new relationship. I wonder will this happen again? Besides God, will I ever meet someone who love me so much and willing to bring me out from this situation, to restore my faith in love? I'm curious..
I wish this confession will really help me to get rid of previous relationship. I'm just not ready to confess this face to face to anyone. Maybe I just not plan to do it also.But one thing I'm sure is I not angry with him anymore, just that the pain is still there. Glad when I found out this which I can talk to him like a normal friend.
Tan Sze-Lyn..you have to move on. Back to pg might be a good decision to start a new life.
