SHMILY

I knew about this short form from a book, most probably more than 5 years ago. Surprisingly until today only I realize this short form is based on a true story. It is a story about a couple who spent their entire married lives reminding one another that they love each other. I am amazed by this old couple who actually able to do it. Just wonder how they can make it? Anyway, it happens in real life. 

From the context, it clearly state the old couple are Christian. Maybe or I should say for sure they see Christ as the center of marriage. The most ideal marriage life. However how many christian couple able to do it ? It involve both party having the same perspective else it would be a tiring race.

Maybe I shouldn't use tired to describe the run since Jesus said " Come to me and I will give you rest". Run the race without feeling tired but relax. What happen if the race was not meant for me? That's why i feel so hard to penetrate the wall and it is really tiring. Lord, can I have an easier one ? As straight as runway? 

Haih, Lord, my strength is limited. I can't and I don't have this ability to penetrate it. Feel like letting go but I know this feeling only happen when I try to use my strength to do it. To have a restful run, I shouldn't withdraw the strength from another poor runner. The source of strength should be come from You. 

You have your own timing and I got to let You to take over. No matter how it ends, You always give Your best for me. It is simply because You love me. Amen !

Lord, supplier of strength, love and wisdom! I need You and I want to flow with You.

oklah Jesus, now is Your business, not mine. I want to sleep now. Good nite and "work hard" ya :)

Wine & Oldies nite

Lord, thank you :)

I have no idea how it works but You know it.

All I need to do is just pray and surrender.

You are the God who never fail me.

Sending Off

My heart was heavy since Saturday night. Time to say good bye to my beloved sister as she will be leaving to Argentina soon. Thank God that I manage to have a very quality time with her while she was in Penang for the past few days.

Sometime I wonder what so great about her that I actually cannot help myself to treat her like my family. A feeling like taking care of her though she does not need it at all. Maybe this is just an act of me to show how much I care about this sister.

Back to topic. What had she done that actually touch my heart. A short note of encouragement during my second year study week in PBBC. A box of chocolate and biscuit...

'Gal, are you free now?', 

"Yes, why ?' (It was almost 11pm at night)

"Can you please come down for a while ? I'm just in front of your gate"

At my house gate I saw a cool girl with her motorcycle. The next thing she ask " have you eaten?"

This is the regular question she love to ask me while I was in university. Simply because she knew that i was a choosy person and used to skip meal. 

After answer her question she pass me a green box. In the box I saw chocolate bars and biscuits. 

" I know you don't like to take proper meal, but at least take some chocolate. Don't get yourself hungry and please take care your gastric." 

I almost cry when I heard this. 

This is not the first time I send her to Sungai Nibong Bus Terminal. None of the sending off feeling is good. Always it end with tears. This time I kept reminding myself that we will be able to meet up again. There are numerous of sending off in future. Well my mission fail once we hug. 

Trying so hard to stop my tears until i leave the platform. 

Thank God her husband is Max. The man of God who love her wholeheartedly. 

Lord I'm going to miss her. Thank you for taking care this lovely couple whenever they are. 

First love lesson

I just can't believe that i actually dreaming about the break up. But this time everything seem so 'steady' and i know that i'm ready to move on. Probably due to the pervious sharing night, that's why it pop out? ! When Aaron ask me what is the reason we break up? Franky speaking i dont really remember what is the specific reason. The main reason is i feel tired when the same problem happen repeatly.

'We are from different up bringing, we do not have common topic..people said we are not compatible, do you think this relationship work? Or maybe we just remain as friend..' ' i thought we talk about these before we start?' 'Yes, but...', hey i'm sorry about my previous atitude towards these problem, please forgive me.'

The same problem happens again and again. I really salute myself that i able to go through from hurt, struggle to forgive and to pursuade myself to continue love him. It is not an easy task for me. A repeating hurts and 'recover' process really drive me from commit to play safe. It is like the feeling of taking a boat, the same storm never stop attacking and i just can't have a good rest in the boat. I don't find secure to commit. A highly self pride person like me will never share this anyone, more over him. That's my failure in this relationship. Hmm..First time in relationship, no experience.

The last time of this storm rise up again was when we broke out. Tired and surrender.

Sometime when i flash back about his last decision, i knew i should thank him. He had make the right decision which i don't think i able to do it. Everyone see him as the 'bad guy', this is the greatest sacrifice of love that he had ever done for me. Thanks.

I dont think i will able to speak out for him especially to those who knew him. A confession here is just good enough, right Lord?

Despite the unsteady part, he was a good man of God. Many might think that he is an ego person, but to my understanding of him, he did lack of self confident for some moments. There is another side of him when we came across to a serious talk. He was totally different of what normally people see him. Sometime i think the way he talk and act is just a way to cover his weakness.

Friend always thought that i was angry of him because he had make the desicion. Funny. No doubt it might be part of that, but the main reason is i angry him because of his selfishness. Even the broke out 'ceremony' and after the 'post' broke out relationship, i do not have the say about it. Right after the broke out we still chat every night. After share this un- healthy relationship with uncle chung chong, i found his advice quite true. We should stop this practice as it might create a false hope to anyone of us. I can't move on if i continue seeing him or chat with him. But again i never state this reason to him nor to anyone of his friends. He was totally disagree with my decision and thing become worst when i feel like he actually told everyone that i angry him because of his decision. Sometime i just feel like shout at him that i'm not Jinny. We are different. Leave me alone, give me some space and i will recover. Just that simple. Please give me a say about this.

I still remember at that moment the only person i can share with is ming zhong. The main reason is he is the only non- cf friend who i close with. I lost my trust to anyone from cf just simply because they might have this tendecy to share this very reason to him. Why were i so afraid to share this with him? Ya..i remember..Tan sze-lyn, you are a self pride person, you shall never let him know that you were hurt. So childish..haha

Funny as i refresh back all these. Why were i so care about this 'pride'? Tan Sze-Lyn,pride should'nt exist when it comes to love.

Lord, is this the reason You allow all these?

Did this experience change my life? Yes, it is .

From a trusting christian person to trusting God.

Only Jesus will never fail us.

Do not put our trust, hope and expectation to our life partner but to God.

Never jump into relationship if we expecting he/she to fill in the our emptyness, lonelyness, security and love.

Let Jesus be our provider and we will always have more than enough to give and to love.

Never try to change a character but pray. Only God can change the impossible to possible.

Wonder how will i feel when i read this post after 30 years? Haha..cannot imagine.

Will this is the last post about this relationship? I guess so. The very last post about my first experience in life.

Thank God for this experience. I believe this experience will benefit my next relationship.

Time to move on completely..

posted from Bloggeroid

The Lavish Love of God

The understanding, experience and feeling of being love by God is so awesome ! No words or music can describe about this.
This lavish love is so amazing!  And I just want to lift up my hand and voice as loud as possible.  Forever praise Him. Unceasingly singing about His goodness.

Hosanna ! Hosanna ! Hosanna ! 


I sing hosanna, I sing hosannaYour selfless love reversed my shameI sing hosanna, I sing hosannaSalvation’s gift is mine to claim


I'm held by Your love 
Cherished by You, Lord 
Treasured in Your sight
So close to Your heart
Held firm in Your hands 


Righteous and bold I come to You
Solely because You gave
Your life for mine upon that cross
Love made you take my place
Now Jesus, Your name I praise

Jesus loves me

Jesus loves me this I know

From the Bible tell me so

Little one to Him belong

They are weak but He is strong

Yes Jesus loves me

Yes Jesus loves me

Yes Jesus loves me

The Bible tell me so

That's my favourite song since I was a child and still my favourite song. Simple but it is so real.

Last Monday having a Penang food trip with a childhood friend, Felicia. We knew each other when we were 11. Well, 17 years old friend! Time flies !

While we were having chapati at little india, she share with me about her family problem. Both parent addicted in gambling, the only sister leave the home and hardly care about their parent. She has been struggle for years. Lately the only beloved grandma also passed away. Even though these happen since she was still a teenager, she never give up. She manage to complete her degree though at that point she facing financial crisis. I really salute her. 

During the dinner, one of our gang member, Jo told me there is a negative tumor in her mum stomach. Her mum might need to go through a high risk operation. Her mum might need to depend on machine after operation. This will cause her mum even more suffer than to die. One year ago, her dad just pass away. And now her mum. The only brother also addicted in gambling. He will only at home when he need money. Jo totally lost at this moment, the only thing she can do now is to buy whatever herba/ medicine which so called can heal cancer. 

At that moment, I'm grateful.

Dear Lord, grant me courage and wisdom to share Your love with them. Telling them You love them as much as You love me. Thank you for loving me and my family. 

The imperfect me loved by His prefect love

Bra-ra shi .....(Speak in tongue)..Nichole, the Lord said there are things deep in your heart that you yet to surrender to Him. Area that you do not allow Him to take care. I pray the Lord presence anointing in your life. Even you reject Him, the Lord said He still love you. .... This is the way He show His love to you. Stop to prove your ability, stop to be someone you are not, stop to revenge, stop struggling with yourself...surrender to Him, depend on Him and He will take care of it...

A pastor merely knows my name told me these during an altar call. Un-intentionally I was drag by a sister to  the altar call. That Sunday service my heart was numbed. I don't really feel the presence of Lord during praise and worship. Even so, He assured with me about His presence and love. 

Lord, thanks for loving me. I know you long to confirm with me about this love. I know it is You because only You know what I had been gone through. I wish I could surrender. I wish I can be like Nikki. I know you love me but I just could't control myself. Maybe I don't really understand/know about Your love enough. Lord, teach me. I want to live a life that acknowledge about Your love, a life that having an intimate relationship with You, a life that I can assure all my burdens & treasure unto Your hand, a life that hunger about Your words every second. 

Lord, I really don't know how to have a life like this. No one able to tell me how to do it. Only You, Lord. Show me Lord.

Lord, thank you for telling me that You still love me even though I fail.

The unknown feeling

Does she really recover from the injury or actually too numb with pain to cry out?
It has been kind of long time she never cry though she still feeling something.
The unknown feeling.
It seem like this feeling will follow her forever.

That injure has change her character.
No one knows the reason of the changes besides God and herself.
Thinking the change would make her stronger.
Does it really work?

Has she lost her DNA?
Or maybe she is just good in acting.
Just maybe..

The stone manger

We are probably familiar with the story of Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem. The Bible says that when the time had come, Mary “brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger”. (Luke 2:6–7) But have we ever wondered why the angel told the shepherds that the Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger was a “sign”?

Like most of us I grew up seeing Christmas cards of Jesus “asleep on the hay” in a wooden manger. Wooden legs in the shape of a large X with the bed a wooded-sided V. Is it possible Jesus’ manger was wooden? I think so. Is it likely? I think not.

Wood as a commodity for things like mangers, tables, etc. was rare in Galilee. The word teknon used for Joseph’s and Jesus’ occupation in Matthew 13:35 and Mark 6:3 is a matter of debate. (We get our word “technical” from this term.) Were these men “carpenters” or “stone masons”? Because the greater Nazareth area is not a forested area, but has many stone quarries, it is most likely Joseph and Jesus worked with stone, not with wood.

Stone mangers, troughs to feed animals, were common in Israel in the 1st century. When Mary wrapped her newborn son in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, he was in a solid, secure structure - a stone manger !

But why was that a sign? Because if we have seen the empty tomb of Jesus at a place called The Garden Tomb in Jerusalem, we would have noticed that the place where His body was laid, inside a tomb hewn out of rock, resembles a stone trough. The Bible says that after Jesus’ crucifixion and death, Joseph of Arimathea took Jesus’ body, wrapped it in linen and laid it in a tomb hewn out of a rock. (Mark 15:43–46)

Yea! There is the similarities, right? Wrapped in swaddling cloths and laid in a manger, baby Jesus would one day be wrapped in linen and laid in a tomb. That was the sign the angel was referring to. It pointed to Jesus’ death.

Jesus was the only child in all of humanity born to die. Once I realize that, I realize how much God loves me. Yahweh gave up His Son for that one purpose, and that His Son willingly came for that one purpose — to die for your sins and mine.

I can never imagine living a life knowing that I am just qualifying myself to die on the cross to save the world! How about you? And that was the life that Jesus lived. He lived to die, so that we might live and enjoy life abundantly today!

Quoted from Joseph Prince's daily devotion.

Thank God for a wonderful sister

Finally the wedding is over. Kind of "empty" honestly. Maybe the wedding is something I look forward for the past one year. So called long awaited wedding and also a big gathering with those friends. Well, during the past few days, I able to spend a very good time with a dear sis, Ewei. Another beautiful princess of God. Her eye can "kill"! She has a very beautiful eyes.

I remember we knew each other through a christian concert preparation. The first impression to her was "senior". I mean she looks like what a senior suppose to look like. Honestly I kind of scare of her as she seem serious. We don't have much contact during the preparation. Later we met in PBBC for a bible course. If not mistaken, there were only two girls joining the group. To my surprise, she is not as cool as she looks like. She knows how to smile and she can speak mandarin though she is a "banana". From that day onwards, I try to know her more, text her during her birthday.. and again to my surprise, a simple wishes text can make her so happy. 

I can't remember since when I din't treat her as my senior but a friend or a junior. I become the one who like to tease her and "bully" her. So fun to treat a senior as my junior. The funny part was she always be the one who taking care of me, that's the time I will see her a my big sister. Anyway, I thank God for giving me an opportunity to serve in CF. Though this, I able to know Lia and her, wonderful sisters.

Well, we seldom share about our life until she graduate. It was because she spent most of her time with her buddy and I spent most of my time with Lia. The situation change after her graduation. I receive an email from her. I guess she needs a spiritual partner as her buddy is a non believer. We share more this time. 

I'm glad that even until now, we are still able to share through phone though we are so far apart. She always be the one who encourages me especially during the fight between mum and dad. At that moment, I was so ready to accept the fact- divorce. Thank God for sending her when I have no one to turn to. The love, care and those encouragement book and CDs all the way from Singapore really touch me. Through the sermon CDs, mum changes! God has redeemed the marriage. Praise the Lord !!

The feeling of praying for her life partner getting stronger right after the wedding. Heartache as I see her travel every weekend to Sarawak due to her brother health. 

Lord. You love her more than anyone in the world. You know her struggles and You do feel the same as she feel. It is because of your unfailing love and finished work,we can see the healing is in the progress. Soon, Ewei's brother will be complete healed and even healthier than ever before. During the healing, Lord~ grant Ewei and her family strength, patience, understanding, good health, "bird economy" and hope. Bound them with Your great love where they will never feel weary and tired.

Lord, the Match Maker,  I ask for a kind, gentle, humble, thoughtful. mature and belong to the same faith guy as Ewei life partner. I pray he will be the one who able to lead and take care Ewei and her family. Besides, he always place Ewei as his priority, cherish her, respect her and love her with all his heart. The relationship will be the blessing to people around them and even their family. If Ewei really decide to choose striking purple as her wedding theme, Lord, grant me a gorgeous striking purple dress. I asked these in Jesus' name. Amen!

Kocha Taiwanese Delight >>Ferry Ride >> Dreaming at Autocity

One of my greatest blessing in Penang is about them- Priscilla, Jocelyn, Evelyn and Ruby. We know each other since we were Form 1. Since then, we love to hang out together, doing thing together, gossip together, etc. At once, we lost track of each other. Especially during uni. Different uni and everyone was busy with their own life. We could only get closer when everyone came back to Penang. It happen after our graduation and also my move to Penang. Kinda perasan..hei..actually I'm the driver since Form 5. This practice never change though some of them do own a car right now. Anyway, I do love to drive them around. It is a blessing indeed.

Friday night. Food hunting night. This week, we went to Kocha Taiwanese Delight. Well recommended by Priscilla. I love the atmosphere and the decoration. It seem like having dinner in one of Taiper restaurant. Typical chinese decoration. Besides order dinner set, we do order some snack to sactisfy our fresh desire.

Beef Noodles Set- could be better if it is spicy

Seafood Noodles- since like Ruby love fishball alot.

Spare Ribs Noodles

Dumpling Noodles Set

Iron Egg- Apparently this is mild steel egg, not really hard. Just nice for us.

Fried mini bun (chinese bun) - nice, we order two for this.

Seafood Roll

Fried Tofu - It could be better if they make it into smaller pieces

Funny mug @_@

Overall the food and atmosphere are good. Reasonable price. To my shock, the boss is a taiwanese. No wonder the way  they shout " huan ying guang lin" sound so familiar.

This week, Jocelyn baked us some chinese new year cookies. Next week will be Evelyn. which means in two weeks time I have to prepare something for them also. Stress man !

Jocelyn ,the chemist proudly brought us cornflakes cookies !! Thumb up !

After dinner, it was about 1030pm. Too early for us to go back, hence someone came out an idea-ferry ride.

Princess Ferry

We got nothing better to do besides posting around

Upper deck of ferry

Once we parked our car at lower deck, everyone seem rushing for "natural call". Since there is one washroom for female, we had to take turn. When it came to my turn, ferry was approching mainland. Everyone is ready in their car. We were so hurry to get in our car because our car parked at the second row. The ride took less than 15minutes ! Since when our ferry turn to high speed ferry ?!

Go Dutch, ruby is doing calculation for our bill.

After the ride, we decided to go Autocity for a drink. By the time we reach there was about 1am. Most of the shops were closed. We end up at "Dream" since it will close at 3am.

Lengthy calculation huh ?!

ACTION-NYA..haha

Since it was Thaipussam, i have myself a Pina Colada.

What a spontaneous night. Lord, thanks for the programs and friendship :)

God Wants To Prosper Our Relationships

Jesus, Painter of my life

Without doubt, one of God's greatest blessings to us is the people that enrich our lives—our spouses, children, parents, friends and colleagues—and the relationships we enjoy with them.  It is God's heart to prosper our relationships. Wherever we may be in our life right now, whether we are searching for a life partner, newly married or raising children , God wants us to know that through the cross of Jesus, He has already redeemed us from painful relationships and blessed us with beautiful, loving relationships. (Galatians 3:13) Jesus not only took all of our sins at the cross, but He also took all the rejection and curse that we deserved. At the cross, He met every single need, physical and emotional, that we will ever have in this life. Carrying our sins, Jesus was rejected by God so that we, receiving His righteousness in exchange, can be accepted by God and enjoy wholeness in every area of our lives. 

There is a beautiful, prophetic psalm in the Bible that reveals how Jesus' affliction at the cross also covers the curse of broken relationships for us In Psalm 88:18, Jesus said, "Loved one and friend You have put far from me, and my acquaintances into darkness." Jesus lost His intimate relationship with His Father, and was separated from His family and close friends when He hung on the cross. He suffered all that so that we could receive the favor of God and prosper in all our relationships.
 

Today, wholeness in our relationships begins with the blood of Jesus first reconciling us with God. (Colossians 1:19–22) So when we begin to see how the blood has paid for us to enjoy blessed relationships, when we let go of our self-effort and rest in Jesus' finished work for wholeness in all our relationships, we will see the turnarounds and restoration we desire in this area of our life.

Dear friend, if your marriage is on the rocks, Jesus can give you wisdom to deal with the problems, and bring about healing and a resurrection of His love in your marriage. If you have a wayward child, you will find Him leading you by His peace to be the vessel through which He will minister His grace. If you are believing God for a life partner, know that you have the same unmerited favor that saw a poor, widowed Moabite girl go from poverty to wealth, widowhood to marriage, and from being childless to having a complete family! (Ruth 2–4)

Beloved, you don't have to struggle and rely on your self-efforts to prosper the relationships in your life. When you rest in the finished work of Jesus and see that He has paid for the healing and wholeness of your relationships, you will see God prosper them supernaturally!

Your blessing is on the way

Ya, Lord..my blessing is on the way. Thank you for showing me this acticles which based on your promises in bible. It brings encouragement and again you have shown me your love. Lord, You will prosper my relationship, be it family, friends, life partner and working partners..Thanks for your generous and overpayment.  In Jesus' name. Amen !

Mahjong with liquor nite

There is always a reason that God put four us in the same city. We encounter the same problem in the past one year. That  night was our first time to confess to each other that we need prayer and support. We are not strong, we do hate and struggle in forgiving. I was proud with Jinny that she eventually cried out all her struggles and hatred towards simon. The points I really salute her was she really invest all her love towards this relationship and she confess her "weakness" to three of us. That night was her time to vomit after consuming a certain amount of liquor. She was drunk. At the moment I wish I can drunk too. 

To me, I will never dare to tell anyone about this, even to my closer sister, Lia. I just hate to confess to others that I'm hurt, deeply hurt by him. After the broke up, I tried to hide as much as I can. I told myself that he was not worth for me to cry over. He is not worth for me to questioning God. I did try to put God as the first priority in this relationship, but why i have bear all this pain? Over this one year plus, I learn to forgive. I learn to be more indeependent. I learn to have my own activities. I tend to forget all the my uni memories. I tend to occupy my days with alot of activities so that i dont have a single moment to think about this. Even when I was alone, I will fully use the time to read, to watch series. I'm not afford to have a second to free my mind. I have to live as good as I can. But these are really out my control. It just pop out when I'm not aware. Sometime I thought I have recover, sometime I'm not. It happen whenever I met someone who is interested on me. I wish I can throw the past and have a new relationship. After a few trials, I knew I cant. I'm forbear  into a relationship. Especially their eye. The ways they see me as the way he see me in past. It really scare me. Their eye reminded me about the broken relationship. This really hold me back to take the first step. I guess I'm not fully ready to go for a new relationship. I wonder when will be the day I can totally let go and ready to move on into a new relationship. I wonder will this happen again? Besides God, will I ever meet someone who love me so much and willing to bring me out from this situation, to restore my faith in love? I'm curious..

I wish this confession will really help me to get rid of previous relationship. I'm just not ready to confess this face to face to anyone. Maybe I just not plan to do it also.But one thing I'm sure is I not angry with him anymore, just that the pain is still there. Glad when I found out this which I can talk to him like a normal friend.

Tan Sze-Lyn..you have to move on. Back to pg might be a good decision to start a new life.

A song in memory of the past

 A song to bring her back to the past.

"She is from penang.."

" Penang girl like to take advantage on guy, be careful of her..

Penang girl very stingy,,"

 

" My parent feel that we are just not compatible"

" Okay.."

" We really have a very different family background..my bro broke up due to this reason.."

" Okay..I thought you we have discuss about this before we start.."

" Ya..I know..but i really afraid this will happen to us as well..have you ever thought about this ?.."

" Yup, I do. I'm afraid too..but I thought our conclusion is to overcome it together ? You will learn about my family and I will do the same to you.."

" Ya..ya..but after I discuss with my mum about our differences, she said dont end up with you.."

" Okay.."

" Thank God that day I not manage to meet up your family, my parent said at the moment  I should'nt meet your family.."

" Okay.."

" Sorry, I know I should'nt think so much.."

"...."

" Sorry..."

" I need some time for this.."

" Sorry, could you please forgive me  ?."

" Lord, give me the strength to love and to forgive.."

" Do not hold to anger, hurt and pain, It will keep you from love.."

" Lord, I just cant love him anymore.."

" I should'nt give up since he had make so many effort for the past few months;;"

" Dear, I might be transfer to Kluang..How about you ?"

" Okay, I will try to get a job there.."

" Thank you.."

" Dear, I got an offer from Shell and I might work in Miri.."

" Okay, then I will to get a job there.."

" Is there any job oppoturnity for civil ?"

" I'm not sure. If cannot get it, I will try brunei.."

" Thank you. I'm so touch.."

" Dear, it has been quite a long time you did not see my parent. When are you going to visit them ?"

" Er..okay..I will come by .."  

Struggle and suffer for nights before the visit.

" My parent feel that you are too quite..we are really come from diferrent background.."

" I like you, we are just good for everything besides family.."

" When things happen, you are the only one I like to share with,,But, family background.."

" I really like you but my mum said.* bra bra~*.....my dad said *bra bra..*..."

" You are a very good and supportive gf..I will be very sad if I lose you....."

" Jason...I'm really tired.."

" I had been working so hard in our relationship..."

" Why you're just keep on questioning the problems instead of seeking solution? "

" I can't carry on anymore.."

" Time to let go..though it might be very hurt.."

" Can we be friend ? I like to share with you about my life.."

" We can be friend, you can call me if you meet any problem. But not every little single thing in your in life.."

" Ya..I know...But why ?.."

" Because we are no longer in a relationship.."    

" Why you have to be like that ? You have made me feel so bad.."

'..* smile*.."  

Blessed weekend

I always wish to have a elder sister or elder brother since young. No other reason, it just simply because I am the elder in my family. Maybe this is one of the reason I like to close with those who are slightly older than me. Is slightly older, not older or very much older..because I have a gap generation with older in term of thought, topic, taste..i just simply cannot communicate with old people.

Back to topic.
My God is an understanding God. He knew me that i was logging for a sister or brother. And He brought them to my life. The only reason I love my second year in Uni is because of their present. And this has been always my sweetest memories during my uni life. I enjoyed the feeling of being care by a sis or bro, feeling being pampered..

This particular feeling came back as I visited them in singapore last weekend. We are still very close though we hardly meet. I guess this is the what "brother and sister in Christ" means! We have common believe, we have common faith, we even have common identity, which is prince and princess of God's kingdom. The only kingdom in this universe that never be shaken nor end.

To me, "friendship forever" may only apply to those who can be friend forever, never pass away, is eternity. Well, i can use this to describe our friendship. Simply because we will meet in heaven someday. Hmm..our common "home". 

Meaningless

Lord, why am I so down? everything seem meaningless and I dont understand why it happens? Lord, save me. Grant me a good friend who we can spend our life together. Help me to forget and forgive previous relationship. It was a nightmare. Lord...i beg You..I thirst for Your love and presence, I need You so much so much...Feeling so hard to carry my life, found meaningless..Lord..lead me out from this valley..

A letter to my heavenly dad

Lord, you know me, you know i am crying silently,  you know the bitterness in my heart, you know my fears and worries, Lord, you will take care of it, izzit? Lord, why this happen in my life? was i make the mistake in the first place? or you actually allow it? Lord..i thought i have forgotten, numb..but still i can feel down and pain..this has make me loose faith towards friends and christian guy..everything just happen so sudden..Lord, what happen? Why? if you plan not to show me answer, then Lord, please heal me, bring me to another level of life, that i may have faith back towards christian guy..

Being honest to myself

In the silent night, I tend to think alot. This is the time my brain work. To think about past, present and future. This is the time i can be honest enough to tell God about my real feeling. I long to live for God. I long for freedom and dreams. I long to experience and embrace life. I long to have a life partner who i can share my life with. To be honest, I'm quite miss him. But i have to stop this feeling as this will hurt me more and more. I'm just not as cool as i thought. I'm just a normal girl, feeling sad and hurt too. However i just cant share my real feeling to anyone, even my close friend. I just cant trust anyone anymore. I wish to share, but each time i will turn out as a super woman, bringing encouragement to them instead of letting them encourage me. 

Lord, save me. You are the only friend i can trust to. I just feel like crying but i couldn't cry out. Is this because i have burried my feeling underneath right after everything? What happen to me? 

Unforgiveness

Lord, i just cant forgive it, every words he had said. Maybe i just refuse to do it because it might protect myself in future, sorry for not trusting you. Too much to doubt, i have lost my confident in him, lost my confident in this relationship. Lord, the only way i can do is to forgive, but i just cant..really hurt. 

Dear Lord

Dear dad:

Was having a serious talk after dinner, this time is about family background. To him, family background play a big role in relationship, to be honest, me too worry about that. I try to do something to works out on this matter. But he always finding something to escape it instead finding way to solve, not to be courage enough to face the circumstances. I dont think i can able with this man for whole life if he continue behave like this. In another word, he is an unsteady man, double minded man. Maybe before the talk, i have really commit to you, that's why i dint cry for this. Just fully surrender to God, i hope i will continue this faith, fully trust in Him. Seriously it is very hard. We are just good in everything, besides family background, common interest. It this possible to find a perfect partner without work hard for that? I really dont know the answer, and i dont think it is possible. Anyway, this time i want just want to rest till i get the answer from God. I will not to continue until i get further notification. To a critical period, i was hurt by his word, he told me that his parent not really supportive in this relationship. I really care for the family blessing in relationship. To my selfishness, if i really get the confimation in this relationship, i think i will change my thought. I will not do anything for this relationship. Maybe just because the hurt or the pride? Now we are in cooling down state, praying For God's peace if it is His will for us to be together.