When I found out the pregnancy, I was kind of depress as I never plan to have it at this moment. I have so much yet to be done, my dream, career, and I don't think both us are ready to be parent. However in deed my heart, I knew that only God know whether I'm ready. Because one of my prayer is God will give me a child when I'm ready.
The first time I saw Benjamin via ultrasound was just a piece of black object, then his heartbeat. I could not feel anything about him besides bloating, heartburn, vomit etc. I can't imagine being a mother. This is really a whole new thing in life.
However slowly, as Benjamin developed into more like a baby figure, I was kind of rejoice to see him via ultrasound. It took months for me to adapt. Sometime I can feel his head and his movement. I'm kind of surprise that I can talk to him so natural and I kind of miss him. Look forward the day he is born and I can hug him tight. This is so not me as I will never love a person I never meet before. And i will never fall in love to someone is such a short time.
Both me and Daniel were looking a name for Benjamin. We wish to name him in Hebrew which speak about Our Heavenly Father. After some shortlisted, from "God's gift, The Lord protect to Jehovah is my God", we could not get a mutual agreement. One night as we were joking, Daniel wish to name him one of the great character in Bible, such as Matthew, Solomon, Jonathan. I just simply said if really need to pick from bible, then I would rather go for "Benjamin". Because we both follow Pastor Joseph Prince ministry, we are the Benjamin Generation, the blessed tribe. Benjamin: Son of the right hand. Right hand in God is a special position.
Daniel just said, why not?! I din't take this discussion seriously. Few days later as I was lunch with Nikki my sister about that night conversation, she too agree to name the boy "Benjamin" instead of other name. What she said quite make sense. Call your son " Son of right hand", like how God call Abraham "father of many nation", call your son what you like to see in his future, instead just remind him " God's protect", God's Gift... "Son of right hand" have all these, in one full package. As a business women, we both think that go for one full package is more worth. So we decided to name him Benjamin.
After few weeks, during lunch with Pastor Rachel, she just ask us have we name the son. We told her yes, Benjamin. She were shocked for second then she told us the name of Benjamin is in her mind. She plan to ask us consider this name, Benjamin, son of right hand.
Wow, at that moment, I feel so loved by God. Who am I that my God has a name for my son. This son surely is not an ordinary son. God has a big plan in his life. All of sudden, it reminds me that I really need to ask for more wisdom to educate this son. My God entrusted Benjamin in my life.
On 25th October, 2019 we receive a news from doctor, saying there is too much fluid in the boy brain. She urge us to seek for fetus specialist in KL When Daniel ask is there life threatening, she just reply very hard to say at this moment. The boy might need to go for brain surgery after he is born.
After talk to Pastor Rachel, she wants us not to live in fear, but boldly proclaim God promises in the Bible. To conceive is a miracles, and God work will not stop half way. Benjamin is wonderfully and perfectly make by God, not about my body, uterus. Uterus cannot form a live, there are just a vessel, life can only be created by God.
Benjamin, you going to be well. Our God is miracle worker, promise keeper. He will surely restore you a new brain. Because God cannot and unable to lie. He is the most reliable promise keeper.
Lord, thank you at this moment, you are in our midst. I cannot imagine if I don't know you, how am I going to go through this. Teach me and Daniel to guard our heart and believe Benjamin is in good hand.
Benjamin going to be a live walking testimony. Miracle healing take place even before he is born. No brain surgery take place. He is going to live like other healthy children, married a godly woman, with kids.
