Unforgiveness

Lord, i just cant forgive it, every words he had said. Maybe i just refuse to do it because it might protect myself in future, sorry for not trusting you. Too much to doubt, i have lost my confident in him, lost my confident in this relationship. Lord, the only way i can do is to forgive, but i just cant..really hurt. 

Dear Lord

Dear dad:

Was having a serious talk after dinner, this time is about family background. To him, family background play a big role in relationship, to be honest, me too worry about that. I try to do something to works out on this matter. But he always finding something to escape it instead finding way to solve, not to be courage enough to face the circumstances. I dont think i can able with this man for whole life if he continue behave like this. In another word, he is an unsteady man, double minded man. Maybe before the talk, i have really commit to you, that's why i dint cry for this. Just fully surrender to God, i hope i will continue this faith, fully trust in Him. Seriously it is very hard. We are just good in everything, besides family background, common interest. It this possible to find a perfect partner without work hard for that? I really dont know the answer, and i dont think it is possible. Anyway, this time i want just want to rest till i get the answer from God. I will not to continue until i get further notification. To a critical period, i was hurt by his word, he told me that his parent not really supportive in this relationship. I really care for the family blessing in relationship. To my selfishness, if i really get the confimation in this relationship, i think i will change my thought. I will not do anything for this relationship. Maybe just because the hurt or the pride? Now we are in cooling down state, praying For God's peace if it is His will for us to be together.

Fruit Cake Story

A couple days a go, i was attended Passion Conference (World Tour) in Kuala Lumpur where there was thousand of uni students came and worship together. The conference had Louie Giglio, Christ Tomlin and his band. It was a great time to worship, singing contemporary music and new version of hymm (Amazing Grace). It was even more exicting that we had a prayer time, listened to the word of God and the story of Ashley and the fruitcake. I just have to share the story that read by Louie from Ashley's journal because i was really blessed by it.

Ashley is a student of University of Florida, the Top party school in the States. Now you can imagine what happens when the parties would start. She is an unbeliever, living in an apartment with her boyfriend. She was in her senior year when one day she went home and caught her boyfriend sleeping with another girl; of course she was devastated. She broke up with him, kicks him out of the apartment and posts an ad at school about needing a new roommate.

A girl named Christa found it and later on became Ashley’s roommate. While Ashley was on her depressed mode, she wrote about how screwed up her life is and every once in a while mentioned details about her new roommate Christa, how she acts crazy and is a freako believing in God and all that Christian stuff; Ashley says: WHAT A FRUITCAKE ?!

Ashley gets more and more intrigued at how her roommate lived her life, there was a day Ashley was wallowing over her situation crying whole day and eating ice cream, and her roommate took time to ask her if there was any problem. The roommate sat beside her and started eating ice cream too. Ashley told her roommate what happened and she said she never heard the response she was expecting to come out; no condemnation but genuine care and sympathy. The roommate asked if she could pray for her but of course, Ashley refused. Ashley’s Mom and step brother are Christians. She said she would have expected her brother to be good to her, but it’s puzzling her that Christa, the fruitcake, acts that way with her.

Ashley becomes all the more bothered how Christa had been living her life which was opposite of how she lives. It was obvious that the roommate didn’t drink, and when asked if she slept with her boyfriend whom she’s been with for three years she said she’s still a virgin. That was crazy stuff for Ashley who could sleep with a guy she’s only been with for three weeks. She asked why Christa was living her life that way, and the answer was a desire to please God in all that she does.

Christa shared about how much Jesus loved her. Ashley kept writing on her journal, and just can’t accept that God could forgive her. God is just not for her type. Ashley was on her moment of unbelief. But it was funny how Christa would share about her experience at a Passion conference and even had a DVD of Louie Giglio sharing a sermon. Ashley writes about how crazy that was.
 

To Ashley, God just can’t forgive a crap like her but God was working in Ashley’s life, and Christa is doing her work in being a good witness of God’s love and grace. As they lived together and the days passed by, Christa had shared about the good news of God’s grace that forgives, even to the worst of all people, even Ashley. She saw that love in “fruitcake” and wanted that for herself. One day, Ashley finally believed and gave in and she said in her journal, “that was it”, the day she became a Christian; the unconditional love of Jesus flooded her heart with peace. She experienced this love and grace that God has for everyone.

Ashley attended one of the Bible studies where Christa attends. The youth didn’t act in a crazy way but were interested at her and were genuine. So they sang and Ashley didn’t know the song but she really liked it and felt like raising her hands too, but she didn’t. When she got home, she googled the lyrics of the song they sung and it just communicated to her so well.

Ashley and Christa talked about how God’s children worship Him and that’s one of the ways. Ashley made her family know about her being a Christian and her mom cried and her step brother was so happy to see her changing. Their prayers were answered. Ashley emailed Louie about her experience, and Louie shared this story to many people, even writing it to the passion blog and it’s being heard in their podcast. Ashley was thrilled that many people can know of her experience, that of God’s unconditional love forgiving her and changing her.

Louie scanned through the pages of Ashley’s journal and jumped to a couple of pages near the end where Ashley was very excited for her graduation. Louie wanted to see and know that she graduated, but there were empty pages. No words were written about her graduation….and the journal was handed on to Louie by Ashley’s father….
 

Ashley died in a car accident, but her story and God’s love that changed her life for 3 months is now being known all around the world. It took a “fruitcake” for Ashley to know about this love and grace, and Louie reads her nicely written story in their Passion tour.

After heard this story, i had a mixed feeling.We never know when is our last breath.Ashley past away in such a young age and yet she had leave a wonderful legacy to our Heavenly Father. On the other hand, i was greatly inspired by fruitcake who never gave up on Ashley and never thought herself highly or better than others. Fruitcake was'nt a perfect girl but she tried to live out her faith and shined for God. It then strip me is no matter how small or insignificant of our actions we think, it does play a role. Lending a listening ear, eating ice-creams along with Ashley, trying to heal her broken heart or even offering a simple prayer. It does play an important role.

Singaopre Trip (Day 3)

This was my last day in Singapore. Since all of them have to work, I decided to make my last day as adventure as i can. With a backpack, i just took MRT to explore a few places in Singapore.

Wall Tile Art along MRT station.

China Town

China Town was my first stop. There, I can strong feel the chinese new year atmosphere. 

Tu Tu Kueh

This was my first time to heard about Tu Tu Kueh. The taste is almost same with one of the nyoyah kuih in Penang. Anyway, I like it :)

Sui Ying, I saw your name here !!

After that, i did stop by at Little India. But, tt seem quite quiet, hence i took another train to Orchard Road. This properly would be my last stop as i need to catch my bus in JB.

Singapore Trip ( Day 1)

Here am I !

Lia, my dearest sister in christ since my second year in uni. It has been about six month we never meet each other since her graduation. Hence, before Chinese New Year, I decided to visit Lia, Max, Efei and Ewei in Singapore. All of them work in singapore right after graduation. The trip was great and awesome. And I was treated like a princess.

Bugis Street

After having lunch in Ikea ( this is my first time being to Ikea),we headed to Bugis Street. Bugis Street is the largest shopping street in Singapore. It consists of more than hundreds shop of funky fashion and lifestyle products. Compared with Petaling Street, i prefer Bugis Street maybe due the atmosphere and variaties of products.

Singapore City Harvest

We joined an afternoon worship service at City Harvest Church. If not mistaken, City Harvest Church is the biggest church in Singapore. This would be my first time to attend service on Saturday instead of Sunday. The church is huge, ocuppied by thousand of people. Praise and worship section was awesomed, but i cant really enjoy it. Maybe it is just not meant for me as i found it like a concert which i cant really have an intimate moment with God. Other than that, everything was good and awesome !

The lovely couple, Max and Lia

 After the service, Max and Lia brought me to Changi International Airport. We had our dinner there. It was the most memoriable dinner for me because we had our wasabi competion in Sakae Sushi.

Posting with Mr President at Changi International Airport

Me and Lia at Merlion

As a first time visitor to Singapore, visiting Merlion (singapore mascot) is a must. This was our last stop for the first day. Frankly, there is not much can do in Merlion Park, besides taking picture.

Good night my dear Lion City

Singapore Trip ( Day 2)

On the second day, we met Ewei and Efei in Vivo City. Since since the first day, i did not has the chance to spend even 1 cent. Like i said, they treated me like a princess. All my food and transportation fees were paid by them.

Ewei and Efei at Sentosa

We were so enjoy it !

After shopping in Vivo City, we went to Sentosa for laser show, Songs of the Sea. By far, it was the my best live cast show. We shouted throught out the show.

Night view of Sentosa

Night view of Sentosa

Good night babes

This is what the friendship about?!

Sometime i just dont understand..
and I hate misunderstanding which I can't explain it due to some reason..
Recently too much things happen..
it comes so fast that i have no time to digest it..
Sometime best friend might also misunderstand you..
well..i will not explain to her coz she might think that i try to find excuse for myself..
But it's really hurt..coz i thought she will understand...
It's hard to find someone that i can free to share with..
Maybe this is the reason that people like to write blog..
coz they have no where to release the emotion and the burden..,other than blog,
I asked myself that should i just stop to contact her for few days..
to show my disappointment?
The answer is no..
my worries have overcome my self-pride..
I so afraid to lose this friendship..

This is what the friendship about?
Still love the friend even her action is hurting..
If this is what the friendship about..
I thank God for His strength and love..