Encounter weekend

I always ask God how do i know which are the door you've open? How do i know which is from you? I want to follow you but i cant hear and see you. And i always have this fear that what if i misunderstanding his instruction. Maybe he prepare path "A" and i thought is path "B" or "C"..Last night he spoke to me via a song. A song which i love to sing when i was 14. That's always been the best year i have the closest relationship with God. Everyday i just can't stop reading his word,worship him and pray to him. Back to the song, part of lyric is about "my righteousness in Jesus"..at that point of life, i don't understand..but i just keep singing..and last night God just prompt to me even that time i don't understand how important to see myself righteousness in Christ, He lead my tongue to confess this..

Following to the habit of journal down my emotion when i encounter some problem or something about to praise God..My initial intention is to release my inner feeling which i don't and afraid to share with anyone..through all these few years i found that my problem seem small after i journal down. Because somehow of rather my journal will always end with God's word. A confident in Him to that problem. Few days ago as i read the book of "unmerited favor", the writer mention the important of being conscious of God present in every single of our life. And this will lead to the manifestation of God presence in every circumstance and breakthrough that we need. I keep asking how to do it. I try to be more conscious about his present but wondering how the manifestation take place. As i continue the following chapter of "unmerited favor", the writer mention to be conscious of God presence can be so easy by just reading his word. As we read, our mind will start to focus on Jesus and Jesus only.

Again God reconfirm with me by telling me that even i don't understand the importance of being conscious in God presence years ago,he have lead me to journal down when i need Him. While journal down problem, my focus will ended with God love and his finish work. He said..nichole..That's the time His manifestation take place.

God just made me understand that though sometime i may not know which are the doors that he has open, should i turn left or right as i come to the cross road, he will lead me. Just trust that once he open, I will never able to miss it. So chill and relax. What I need to do is hold His hand.

During the encounter weekend, Pastor Rachel just pray over me and told me that soon I will come to a cross road which i never expect it happen so fast. For the past few years i make the decision based on my experience,wisdom and fears. Frankly speaking i still not really sure what this cross road about. Is it about my business path, new direction in life or maybe relationship..but one thing i feel so excited and look forward is..the lord said this will be my first ever breakthrough cross road in life. Stop looking left and right or past experience..but just hold his hand..he will walk me through together..thank you lord.

Daddy, as i want to encounter you but doubting will you ever want to speak to me,reveal yourself...your just told me that as how much i want to draw near to you, you are 10 times more than willing to encounter me,draw me closer to you.

You have forgiven me long before I fail.  Truly You are the God that unshakable ! 

Cameron Highland Mission Trip

It has been years I never involved in any mission trip since after my graduation. Partly because I don't think my presence really made any difference. And I don't feel right with my motive to mission trip. Was it because I want to see the world? How does those people live under such condition? How they see God and are they really believe God even under any circumstances? Simple live lead to simple believe? They seem so holy and faithful. What if something really bad happen, will they still trust God? It is always easy to speak about God faithfulness and goodness, but when thing really happen, we failed. I'm a good example.

I guess these are the very reason I try to keep a distance from all I know. I failed to be a good cell group leader. Really took years for me to confess this failure. What had I done is like touch n go. No follow up after my graduation even when some of them look for me. I just try to keep a distance due to some reason. At that point, I need a new live.

I know I should stop this self condemnation. I tried and I thought I have over come it. However it seem like after years I still not able to let go. There is always a voice to remind me. Will God still trust me that I can take good care of his people? 

If you have forgive me, can I have a clear & loud answer from you? I want to experience Your presence. Not just based on word, but Your personal visitation. It has been years I have lost this connection with you. Whenever someone share about how they able to sense your presence during praise & worship and you speak to them, my heart was heavy. There is always a question rise up..Have you forgotten me?

I guess this is something I learned from this spontaneous mission trip with the US team. Something I really need to deal with it and not just hide underneath.