When dad was out from HDU after having long discussion with doctor, he cried. First time I saw him sad until can't speak a word. Nikki just break down. Though I have prepare my heart, but when it become real, I just cant stop my tear in front of all people. I will never forget dad's expression. The doctor so honest, he told us all the things we need prepare, so that we will nothave false hope. He can't guarantee the surgery, even after surgery she might need to lie on bed for the rest of her life. Needed to depend on permanent stomach bag, go through chemo & death. An elder's wife told us life willbe change from now on, be strong.
At the moment, the only thing i can say this not going to be real. Doctor has no say in mom condition. Nikki, my brother & I refuse to believe the report but focus on Jesus promises. Still Nikki & I cried like baby when we reach home. To a moment, we can just give up everything, including my life in exchange of her health. All the guit feeling just came across my mind. Why i never take it seriously when she told us her pain for the few months.
I ask God will He give me a second chance to love her again, He said He is the God of second chance. If mom really need to depend on permanent stomach bag, I would rather God bring her home. If our love must paid with her suffering, then I will let go.
It was a sleepless night. Besides listen to pastor prince sermon, reading, pray and claim the healing promises, I cant do much. Thats the time I found peace & confident in God. When i open the fridge, wardrobe etc, i just quckly close it. Because i saw the things mom has prepare for me, i just cant imagine life without her. To stop this heart breaking thought is to just focus on what Jesus already paid on the cross. This method works great.
This was also my first time "muka tembok" ask all the people whom I know to pray for her. Somehow in the morning before we leave the house to hospital, God just grant us the confident that He is going to heal her. There is no permanant stomach bag. We will stick to our originally plan to Japan. This confident of hope encourage dad when Nikki told dad God speaks to her. God lets this thing happen is not scare us but because He want to heal her. Finally the hour of surgery has come. Surrender & pray in tongue, we found rest in God's embrace.
All the positive result which doctor said chances of this thing to happen is very low just come true. It was a successfully surgery. Based on nurse experience, this kind of surgery may take at least 5-6 hours. But thank God that He shorten the time to about 3 hours.Unspeakable joy. Tears with joy. Just cant stop saying thank you Jesus and praising Him like now. Sacrifices my sleep to note this experience. And still cant express how wonderful is my God.
Lord, what can I do to tell all the people about Your goodness ?
Thanks for being mom's God, dad's God, chow yee's God, nikki's God, David's God, my God and God of people I love.
