Lord..do something

Lord,sometime I just too tired for my self-cheating. I know you love me, but I don't really believe that you love me as much as you love others. I try to keep reminding myself that You love me. And you love me more than anyone. Lord, can I just yield to you..I don't see this happen in my life. I don't feel it. I know I shouldn't judge Your love based on feeling, It should based on word. Can i just be a spoiled child once a while? You have been too quite for these few years. I just can't continue live with word only. do something Lord. I believe but help my unbelief.

Time Out..

Physical and mentally tired. It has been quite a long time i never been in this situation before. I really need to release whatever which has weight me down for the past two weeks. It takes bit a bit. And slowly it overtaking me. 

Help me Lord, let me not to draw strength from anyone but You. Lord, I really tired and I just don't feel like raise these issues with him. Maybe I just need to have a time out, right?

Fully Covered by His Grace

I never know all these until dad shared his testimony during recent chinese new year event. The struggles & hardship he had been through when we were small. During that time, being a husband and a dad for three kids was not easy. He tried all his way to make sure the family have enough.

Since young, I never heard dad tells us any financial problem with us. He will try to settle himself instead of bring it home. At once, a dad's friend share with us that dad cried in coffee shop due to unable to get bonus for our needs for chinese new year. He worked day and night until he don't even remember my age during a clinic visitation. Thing getting worst when he felt sick. During the one month hospitalization, he felt so useless as he unable to work. It was in the year of 1997.

At the deepest point of my family, dad accepted Christ. After a short period the whole family baptist. Things change since then. Dad no longer work day and night but still has more than enough for the family. God literally save Daniel, David, Nikki and my life for a few times. If it is not God, four of us might not in this world before we reach 18. When I recall back all these incidents, I can never able to explain how it happens. It just happened.

Dad shared many testimonies during the event, but all these are not even 1% of God's goodness which we have experienced for all these years. This is the the kind of God we worship. Lovely, meek and yet powerful.

After the testimony sharing event, once gain I feel so loved and grateful. God has covered his beloved family with His wonderful grace and love. If is not God, we are not who are we today.

Dear, thank you:)

Grace, glorious grace, grace, glorious grace
At the cross You called it finished
Grace, wonderful grace, grace, wonderful grace
At the cross all of my sin is

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace, oh
Covered, covered, covered by Your grace

Grace, beautiful grace, grace, beautiful grace
At the cross, love everlasting
Grace, powerful grace, grace, powerful grace
At the cross all of my past is

No matter what I’ve done, no matter where I’ve been
No matter how I fall, You pick me up again
You have removed my shame, You take as I am
You call me justified, now I am covered by Your grace

Encounter weekend

I always ask God how do i know which are the door you've open? How do i know which is from you? I want to follow you but i cant hear and see you. And i always have this fear that what if i misunderstanding his instruction. Maybe he prepare path "A" and i thought is path "B" or "C"..Last night he spoke to me via a song. A song which i love to sing when i was 14. That's always been the best year i have the closest relationship with God. Everyday i just can't stop reading his word,worship him and pray to him. Back to the song, part of lyric is about "my righteousness in Jesus"..at that point of life, i don't understand..but i just keep singing..and last night God just prompt to me even that time i don't understand how important to see myself righteousness in Christ, He lead my tongue to confess this..

Following to the habit of journal down my emotion when i encounter some problem or something about to praise God..My initial intention is to release my inner feeling which i don't and afraid to share with anyone..through all these few years i found that my problem seem small after i journal down. Because somehow of rather my journal will always end with God's word. A confident in Him to that problem. Few days ago as i read the book of "unmerited favor", the writer mention the important of being conscious of God present in every single of our life. And this will lead to the manifestation of God presence in every circumstance and breakthrough that we need. I keep asking how to do it. I try to be more conscious about his present but wondering how the manifestation take place. As i continue the following chapter of "unmerited favor", the writer mention to be conscious of God presence can be so easy by just reading his word. As we read, our mind will start to focus on Jesus and Jesus only.

Again God reconfirm with me by telling me that even i don't understand the importance of being conscious in God presence years ago,he have lead me to journal down when i need Him. While journal down problem, my focus will ended with God love and his finish work. He said..nichole..That's the time His manifestation take place.

God just made me understand that though sometime i may not know which are the doors that he has open, should i turn left or right as i come to the cross road, he will lead me. Just trust that once he open, I will never able to miss it. So chill and relax. What I need to do is hold His hand.

During the encounter weekend, Pastor Rachel just pray over me and told me that soon I will come to a cross road which i never expect it happen so fast. For the past few years i make the decision based on my experience,wisdom and fears. Frankly speaking i still not really sure what this cross road about. Is it about my business path, new direction in life or maybe relationship..but one thing i feel so excited and look forward is..the lord said this will be my first ever breakthrough cross road in life. Stop looking left and right or past experience..but just hold his hand..he will walk me through together..thank you lord.

Daddy, as i want to encounter you but doubting will you ever want to speak to me,reveal yourself...your just told me that as how much i want to draw near to you, you are 10 times more than willing to encounter me,draw me closer to you.

You have forgiven me long before I fail.  Truly You are the God that unshakable ! 

Cameron Highland Mission Trip

It has been years I never involved in any mission trip since after my graduation. Partly because I don't think my presence really made any difference. And I don't feel right with my motive to mission trip. Was it because I want to see the world? How does those people live under such condition? How they see God and are they really believe God even under any circumstances? Simple live lead to simple believe? They seem so holy and faithful. What if something really bad happen, will they still trust God? It is always easy to speak about God faithfulness and goodness, but when thing really happen, we failed. I'm a good example.

I guess these are the very reason I try to keep a distance from all I know. I failed to be a good cell group leader. Really took years for me to confess this failure. What had I done is like touch n go. No follow up after my graduation even when some of them look for me. I just try to keep a distance due to some reason. At that point, I need a new live.

I know I should stop this self condemnation. I tried and I thought I have over come it. However it seem like after years I still not able to let go. There is always a voice to remind me. Will God still trust me that I can take good care of his people? 

If you have forgive me, can I have a clear & loud answer from you? I want to experience Your presence. Not just based on word, but Your personal visitation. It has been years I have lost this connection with you. Whenever someone share about how they able to sense your presence during praise & worship and you speak to them, my heart was heavy. There is always a question rise up..Have you forgotten me?

I guess this is something I learned from this spontaneous mission trip with the US team. Something I really need to deal with it and not just hide underneath.

Thanks for taking care of her

Sleepless night. 

After years of praying, finally grandma accepted Christ. She was unconscious due to extreme high sugar level since last Thursday and was sent to hospital on Friday. On Sunday she sugar level drop amazingly and accepted Christ in a conscious condition. A person who never know about prayer and Gospel accepted Christ. 

I still remember the first time when dad pray for her in early February. It was the most funniest prayer as she thought we were having conversation with her. The whole prayer progress she keep talking with us. 

An old fashion lady accepted Christ by 2 simple questions. "Would you like us to pray for healing ?" and "Jesus loves you, would you like to accept Him as your saviour? ". She even make the sinner prayer. So cute. Surely this is God's work. The next day she lost her ability to talk and follow by stroke. Can't even swallow and drink. On the next few days she was merely survive with tube. Her hand swollen and pain until come to the stage nurse tie her hand on bed as she keep pulling the tube. It was a heartache to see her live with no dignity. 

Again God answer my prayer. Last evening Jesus had brought her home. I should feel happy as God answer my prayer. But then it still a heartbroken fact when it really take place. 

I will always miss her voice and hug. Miss the moment she hold my hand whenever I see her. Telling me how she much she love me. Mum used to tell me, I'm grandma most beloved granddaughter. However this most beloved granddaughter don't really do much for her. Don't even treat her a meal. 

Thanks Lord, I feel loved at this moment. Thanks for the salvation and taking of her on behalf of me. 

One day, I shall meet you in heaven :}

Glory To Glory

MEEKNESS AND MAJESTY
IN HUMBLENESS YOU CAME DOWN AND RESCUED ME
YOU GAVE IT ALL UPON THE CROSS
AS AN OFFERING

YOU TRADED YOUR LIFE FOR ME
IN RIGHTEOUSNESS YOU POURED OUT YOUR LOVE SO FREE
AND NOW MY SOUL WILL WORSHIP YOU
AS AN OFFERING

WE COME INTO YOUR PRESENCE NOW IN AWE
CASTING ALL OUR CROWNS AT YOUR FEET
HOW WONDERFUL THE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE DONE
FOREVER YOU WILL REIGN GLORIOUS

BE LIFTED UP FROM GLORY TO GLORY TO GLORY
WE OFFER UP THE PRAISES THAT YOU DESERVE
YOU’RE CHANGING US FROM GLORY TO GLORY TO GLORY
OUR LIVES WILL SHINE BEFORE YOU AND SHOUT YOUR WORTH
YOU’RE GLORIOUS

It is a privileged to be chosen and loved by You.

Thank You for changing me from glory to glory to glory. 

Surely I will never like the process of molding, sometime I will just yield and grumbling as it came with Your silent and bad times.

Still my soul give thank for whatever it has been happened. Without them, I would never be who I am.

Grant me supernatural wisdom and understanding, to be able experience Your love neither in good nor bad times.

Daddy, be lifted up from glory to glory to glory. You deserve all my praise and worship.