For everlasting to everlasting

Journal down all the good and bad times is the best way for me to find God. During the journal, I found the involvement of God, just that I never realize about it

Well this habit stop since I start my own business. Time is very precious to me. Time means money. Each time when I feel like journal down some good or bad moments, there is always a small voice telling me to spend this time "wisely'. Spend the time to do research, design, study and journal can always do it 'later". And "later" never come to pass.

After starting a new relationship early this years, it eat most of my night times. I'm happy I manage to allocate time for this while doing well in business too. It never become a burden to me which I thought it will in the first place. Thank God this relationship happen at the right time. In the same time, something just strike me. If I can allocate time for Daniel, why can't I do it for God too? Does money and Daniel's love can compatible with God? Certainly Not! Jesus is more perfect, handsome, beautiful and he will never leave me even when I die. Tan Sze-Lyn..take heart!

These few days, Pastor Mark from New Creation Church came to EPCC. I didn't expect much especially last night service. Reason being is it was a hokkien service. I merely understand the sermon and most of the time I just guess based on a few words I know. Surprisingly after the service, I feel so refresh. My heart, mind and soul just withdraw the strength from God. 

Tonight mandarin service, during the worship, I finally understand what does it means "He who forgiven much love much". I deeply feel this verse. I just can't stop my tears when I was told He loves me and He is faithfully forgive all my sins. I'm a sinful girl when I realize how Holy is He. In the same time I was called righteous because Jesus is righteous. The gift of righteous and grace speak how much God loves me. 

Thank you Lord. Your love is amazing. No word can describe..

我的心，你要稱頌耶和華，

Bless The LORD, O My Soul

不可忘記祂的恩惠。

Forget not all His benefits

祂赦免你一切過犯罪孽，

He forgives all your iniquities

醫治你疾病復原。

Who heals all your diseases

祂以仁愛慈悲為你冠冕，

He crowns you with love and compassion

為受屈的人伸冤。

Who justice for all the oppressed

天離地有何等的高，

For as high as the heavens are above the earth

祂的慈愛也可等的深，

so great is His love

東離西有多麼的遠，

As far as the east is from the west

祂使我的過犯也離我多遠，

so far has He removed our transgressions from us

耶和華有憐憫的愛，

Jehovah is compassionate and gracious

且有豐盛無盡的恩典，

and abounding in love

從亙古直到永遠，

from everlasting to everlasting

耶和華祂是我的神。

Jehovah is my God

Psalm 103

To You, I surrender

Dear Lord, I can trust you right? Everything is in your control and all things work together for our own good,right? You loves David more than I love him, with this I can confidently surrender this unto your mightly hand, right? I believe the answer is 'yes' but help my unbelieve. You know better than the doctor and i refuse to believe any bad report from all the doctor. LORD, I pray for restoration upon David's muscle & health. Healing take place and surely this will be another testimony to encourage those who are needed. 

Dear Lord, thank you for what i has been went through in the past. It may seem end of the world during the valley season. However You never fails me for even once. You always reveal in the right timing and change the whole senario. What a faithful God!

From valley and soar under eagle wing..Lord, thank you for all these experience. Surely you were with me during those bad times. I might lost my faith to You during those season,but You never fail anx now i see why these things happen. It built my confidence in You, my character, the intimacy, revelation of You love and as an encouragement to those who encounter similar situation. Lord, this is so amazing!

Lord, grant me a good rest. Teach me to surrender all my cares in Your hand. In Jesus' name, I pray

Lord..do something

Lord,sometime I just too tired for my self-cheating. I know you love me, but I don't really believe that you love me as much as you love others. I try to keep reminding myself that You love me. And you love me more than anyone. Lord, can I just yield to you..I don't see this happen in my life. I don't feel it. I know I shouldn't judge Your love based on feeling, It should based on word. Can i just be a spoiled child once a while? You have been too quite for these few years. I just can't continue live with word only. do something Lord. I believe but help my unbelief.

Time Out..

Physical and mentally tired. It has been quite a long time i never been in this situation before. I really need to release whatever which has weight me down for the past two weeks. It takes bit a bit. And slowly it overtaking me. 

Help me Lord, let me not to draw strength from anyone but You. Lord, I really tired and I just don't feel like raise these issues with him. Maybe I just need to have a time out, right?

Fully Covered by His Grace

I never know all these until dad shared his testimony during recent chinese new year event. The struggles & hardship he had been through when we were small. During that time, being a husband and a dad for three kids was not easy. He tried all his way to make sure the family have enough.

Since young, I never heard dad tells us any financial problem with us. He will try to settle himself instead of bring it home. At once, a dad's friend share with us that dad cried in coffee shop due to unable to get bonus for our needs for chinese new year. He worked day and night until he don't even remember my age during a clinic visitation. Thing getting worst when he felt sick. During the one month hospitalization, he felt so useless as he unable to work. It was in the year of 1997.

At the deepest point of my family, dad accepted Christ. After a short period the whole family baptist. Things change since then. Dad no longer work day and night but still has more than enough for the family. God literally save Daniel, David, Nikki and my life for a few times. If it is not God, four of us might not in this world before we reach 18. When I recall back all these incidents, I can never able to explain how it happens. It just happened.

Dad shared many testimonies during the event, but all these are not even 1% of God's goodness which we have experienced for all these years. This is the the kind of God we worship. Lovely, meek and yet powerful.

After the testimony sharing event, once gain I feel so loved and grateful. God has covered his beloved family with His wonderful grace and love. If is not God, we are not who are we today.

Dear, thank you:)

Grace, glorious grace, grace, glorious grace
At the cross You called it finished
Grace, wonderful grace, grace, wonderful grace
At the cross all of my sin is

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace, oh
Covered, covered, covered by Your grace

Grace, beautiful grace, grace, beautiful grace
At the cross, love everlasting
Grace, powerful grace, grace, powerful grace
At the cross all of my past is

No matter what I’ve done, no matter where I’ve been
No matter how I fall, You pick me up again
You have removed my shame, You take as I am
You call me justified, now I am covered by Your grace

Encounter weekend

I always ask God how do i know which are the door you've open? How do i know which is from you? I want to follow you but i cant hear and see you. And i always have this fear that what if i misunderstanding his instruction. Maybe he prepare path "A" and i thought is path "B" or "C"..Last night he spoke to me via a song. A song which i love to sing when i was 14. That's always been the best year i have the closest relationship with God. Everyday i just can't stop reading his word,worship him and pray to him. Back to the song, part of lyric is about "my righteousness in Jesus"..at that point of life, i don't understand..but i just keep singing..and last night God just prompt to me even that time i don't understand how important to see myself righteousness in Christ, He lead my tongue to confess this..

Following to the habit of journal down my emotion when i encounter some problem or something about to praise God..My initial intention is to release my inner feeling which i don't and afraid to share with anyone..through all these few years i found that my problem seem small after i journal down. Because somehow of rather my journal will always end with God's word. A confident in Him to that problem. Few days ago as i read the book of "unmerited favor", the writer mention the important of being conscious of God present in every single of our life. And this will lead to the manifestation of God presence in every circumstance and breakthrough that we need. I keep asking how to do it. I try to be more conscious about his present but wondering how the manifestation take place. As i continue the following chapter of "unmerited favor", the writer mention to be conscious of God presence can be so easy by just reading his word. As we read, our mind will start to focus on Jesus and Jesus only.

Again God reconfirm with me by telling me that even i don't understand the importance of being conscious in God presence years ago,he have lead me to journal down when i need Him. While journal down problem, my focus will ended with God love and his finish work. He said..nichole..That's the time His manifestation take place.

God just made me understand that though sometime i may not know which are the doors that he has open, should i turn left or right as i come to the cross road, he will lead me. Just trust that once he open, I will never able to miss it. So chill and relax. What I need to do is hold His hand.

During the encounter weekend, Pastor Rachel just pray over me and told me that soon I will come to a cross road which i never expect it happen so fast. For the past few years i make the decision based on my experience,wisdom and fears. Frankly speaking i still not really sure what this cross road about. Is it about my business path, new direction in life or maybe relationship..but one thing i feel so excited and look forward is..the lord said this will be my first ever breakthrough cross road in life. Stop looking left and right or past experience..but just hold his hand..he will walk me through together..thank you lord.

Daddy, as i want to encounter you but doubting will you ever want to speak to me,reveal yourself...your just told me that as how much i want to draw near to you, you are 10 times more than willing to encounter me,draw me closer to you.

You have forgiven me long before I fail.  Truly You are the God that unshakable ! 

Cameron Highland Mission Trip

It has been years I never involved in any mission trip since after my graduation. Partly because I don't think my presence really made any difference. And I don't feel right with my motive to mission trip. Was it because I want to see the world? How does those people live under such condition? How they see God and are they really believe God even under any circumstances? Simple live lead to simple believe? They seem so holy and faithful. What if something really bad happen, will they still trust God? It is always easy to speak about God faithfulness and goodness, but when thing really happen, we failed. I'm a good example.

I guess these are the very reason I try to keep a distance from all I know. I failed to be a good cell group leader. Really took years for me to confess this failure. What had I done is like touch n go. No follow up after my graduation even when some of them look for me. I just try to keep a distance due to some reason. At that point, I need a new live.

I know I should stop this self condemnation. I tried and I thought I have over come it. However it seem like after years I still not able to let go. There is always a voice to remind me. Will God still trust me that I can take good care of his people? 

If you have forgive me, can I have a clear & loud answer from you? I want to experience Your presence. Not just based on word, but Your personal visitation. It has been years I have lost this connection with you. Whenever someone share about how they able to sense your presence during praise & worship and you speak to them, my heart was heavy. There is always a question rise up..Have you forgotten me?

I guess this is something I learned from this spontaneous mission trip with the US team. Something I really need to deal with it and not just hide underneath.