God is faithful & willing to heal

When dad was out from HDU after having long discussion with doctor, he cried. First time I saw him sad until can't speak a word. Nikki just break down. Though I have prepare my heart, but when it become real,  I just cant stop my tear in front of all people. I will never forget dad's expression. The doctor so honest, he told us all the things we need prepare, so that we will nothave false hope. He can't guarantee the surgery, even after surgery she might need to lie on bed for the rest of her life. Needed to depend on permanent stomach bag, go through chemo & death. An elder's wife told us life willbe change from now on, be strong.

At the moment, the only thing i can say this not going to be real. Doctor has no say in mom condition. Nikki, my brother & I refuse to believe the report but focus on Jesus promises. Still Nikki &  I cried like baby when we reach home. To a moment, we can just give up everything, including my life in exchange of her health. All the guit feeling just came across my mind. Why i never take it seriously when she told us her pain for the few months.

I ask God will He give me a second chance to love her again, He said He is the God of second chance. If mom really need to depend on permanent stomach bag, I would rather God bring her home. If our love must paid with her suffering, then I will let go.

It was a sleepless night. Besides listen to pastor prince sermon, reading, pray and claim the healing promises, I cant do much. Thats the time I found peace & confident in God. When i open the fridge, wardrobe etc, i just quckly close it. Because i saw the things mom has prepare for me, i just cant imagine life without her. To stop this heart breaking thought is to just focus on what Jesus already paid on the cross. This method works great.

This was also my first time "muka tembok" ask all the people whom I know to pray for her. Somehow in the morning before we leave the house to hospital, God just grant us the confident that He is going to heal her. There is no permanant stomach bag. We will stick to our originally plan to Japan. This confident of hope encourage dad when Nikki told dad God speaks to her. God lets this thing happen is not scare us but because He want to heal her. Finally the hour of surgery has come.  Surrender & pray in tongue, we found rest in God's embrace.

All the positive result which doctor said chances of this thing to happen is very low just come true. It was a successfully surgery. Based on nurse experience, this kind of surgery may take at least 5-6 hours. But thank God that He shorten the time to about 3 hours.Unspeakable joy. Tears with joy. Just cant stop saying thank you Jesus and praising Him like now. Sacrifices my sleep to note this experience. And still cant express how wonderful is my God.

Lord, what can I do to tell all the people about Your goodness ?
Thanks for being mom's God, dad's God, chow yee's God, nikki's God, David's God, my God and God of people I love.

Your ways are higher

From sleepless nights to a night that I just want to uphold all these to God and wait upon Him. My focus should be on Jesus rather than I should I continue the journey with Daniel. Dad, Your ways are higher. Fix my eye to the things I can't see now.

Besides surrender to God, I don't know what can I do with the issues and fears I have towards our relationship. It is just out of our control. Only You Lord able to make the changes. Give me strength Lord, that I'm able to love and also fast to forgive. Lord, unless the salvation take place, else I just cant make further commitment in this relationship. Remind me that You are with me whenever I encounter that situation again. Help me to overcome those fears. Perfect love cast out all fears. Lord, I want to experience more about You.

For everlasting to everlasting

Journal down all the good and bad times is the best way for me to find God. During the journal, I found the involvement of God, just that I never realize about it

Well this habit stop since I start my own business. Time is very precious to me. Time means money. Each time when I feel like journal down some good or bad moments, there is always a small voice telling me to spend this time "wisely'. Spend the time to do research, design, study and journal can always do it 'later". And "later" never come to pass.

After starting a new relationship early this years, it eat most of my night times. I'm happy I manage to allocate time for this while doing well in business too. It never become a burden to me which I thought it will in the first place. Thank God this relationship happen at the right time. In the same time, something just strike me. If I can allocate time for Daniel, why can't I do it for God too? Does money and Daniel's love can compatible with God? Certainly Not! Jesus is more perfect, handsome, beautiful and he will never leave me even when I die. Tan Sze-Lyn..take heart!

These few days, Pastor Mark from New Creation Church came to EPCC. I didn't expect much especially last night service. Reason being is it was a hokkien service. I merely understand the sermon and most of the time I just guess based on a few words I know. Surprisingly after the service, I feel so refresh. My heart, mind and soul just withdraw the strength from God. 

Tonight mandarin service, during the worship, I finally understand what does it means "He who forgiven much love much". I deeply feel this verse. I just can't stop my tears when I was told He loves me and He is faithfully forgive all my sins. I'm a sinful girl when I realize how Holy is He. In the same time I was called righteous because Jesus is righteous. The gift of righteous and grace speak how much God loves me. 

Thank you Lord. Your love is amazing. No word can describe..

我的心，你要稱頌耶和華，

Bless The LORD, O My Soul

不可忘記祂的恩惠。

Forget not all His benefits

祂赦免你一切過犯罪孽，

He forgives all your iniquities

醫治你疾病復原。

Who heals all your diseases

祂以仁愛慈悲為你冠冕，

He crowns you with love and compassion

為受屈的人伸冤。

Who justice for all the oppressed

天離地有何等的高，

For as high as the heavens are above the earth

祂的慈愛也可等的深，

so great is His love

東離西有多麼的遠，

As far as the east is from the west

祂使我的過犯也離我多遠，

so far has He removed our transgressions from us

耶和華有憐憫的愛，

Jehovah is compassionate and gracious

且有豐盛無盡的恩典，

and abounding in love

從亙古直到永遠，

from everlasting to everlasting

耶和華祂是我的神。

Jehovah is my God

Psalm 103

To You, I surrender

Dear Lord, I can trust you right? Everything is in your control and all things work together for our own good,right? You loves David more than I love him, with this I can confidently surrender this unto your mightly hand, right? I believe the answer is 'yes' but help my unbelieve. You know better than the doctor and i refuse to believe any bad report from all the doctor. LORD, I pray for restoration upon David's muscle & health. Healing take place and surely this will be another testimony to encourage those who are needed. 

Dear Lord, thank you for what i has been went through in the past. It may seem end of the world during the valley season. However You never fails me for even once. You always reveal in the right timing and change the whole senario. What a faithful God!

From valley and soar under eagle wing..Lord, thank you for all these experience. Surely you were with me during those bad times. I might lost my faith to You during those season,but You never fail anx now i see why these things happen. It built my confidence in You, my character, the intimacy, revelation of You love and as an encouragement to those who encounter similar situation. Lord, this is so amazing!

Lord, grant me a good rest. Teach me to surrender all my cares in Your hand. In Jesus' name, I pray

Lord..do something

Lord,sometime I just too tired for my self-cheating. I know you love me, but I don't really believe that you love me as much as you love others. I try to keep reminding myself that You love me. And you love me more than anyone. Lord, can I just yield to you..I don't see this happen in my life. I don't feel it. I know I shouldn't judge Your love based on feeling, It should based on word. Can i just be a spoiled child once a while? You have been too quite for these few years. I just can't continue live with word only. do something Lord. I believe but help my unbelief.

Time Out..

Physical and mentally tired. It has been quite a long time i never been in this situation before. I really need to release whatever which has weight me down for the past two weeks. It takes bit a bit. And slowly it overtaking me. 

Help me Lord, let me not to draw strength from anyone but You. Lord, I really tired and I just don't feel like raise these issues with him. Maybe I just need to have a time out, right?

Fully Covered by His Grace

I never know all these until dad shared his testimony during recent chinese new year event. The struggles & hardship he had been through when we were small. During that time, being a husband and a dad for three kids was not easy. He tried all his way to make sure the family have enough.

Since young, I never heard dad tells us any financial problem with us. He will try to settle himself instead of bring it home. At once, a dad's friend share with us that dad cried in coffee shop due to unable to get bonus for our needs for chinese new year. He worked day and night until he don't even remember my age during a clinic visitation. Thing getting worst when he felt sick. During the one month hospitalization, he felt so useless as he unable to work. It was in the year of 1997.

At the deepest point of my family, dad accepted Christ. After a short period the whole family baptist. Things change since then. Dad no longer work day and night but still has more than enough for the family. God literally save Daniel, David, Nikki and my life for a few times. If it is not God, four of us might not in this world before we reach 18. When I recall back all these incidents, I can never able to explain how it happens. It just happened.

Dad shared many testimonies during the event, but all these are not even 1% of God's goodness which we have experienced for all these years. This is the the kind of God we worship. Lovely, meek and yet powerful.

After the testimony sharing event, once gain I feel so loved and grateful. God has covered his beloved family with His wonderful grace and love. If is not God, we are not who are we today.

Dear, thank you:)

Grace, glorious grace, grace, glorious grace
At the cross You called it finished
Grace, wonderful grace, grace, wonderful grace
At the cross all of my sin is

Covered, covered, covered by Your grace, oh
Covered, covered, covered by Your grace

Grace, beautiful grace, grace, beautiful grace
At the cross, love everlasting
Grace, powerful grace, grace, powerful grace
At the cross all of my past is

No matter what I’ve done, no matter where I’ve been
No matter how I fall, You pick me up again
You have removed my shame, You take as I am
You call me justified, now I am covered by Your grace